• Nikki Van Ekeren

It is Time to Stop Holding Back



Are we hard wired to think that holding back will keep us safe or that keeping our inner light hidden will protect us? Or even that success will eventually bring hardship?


I wrestle with these sentiments regularly. On one hand, I want to shine my light so brightly, but I want to feel safe and comfortable. I know that stepping out of my comfort zone will bring me joy. Getting through that first step is always tricky. 


Why are we taught to believe that suffering will make us safe or even better than others? 

Apparently, I have a lot of questions. But, I am asking them. I am facing this inner divisiveness. I am diving into the discomfort, and it actually feels good. It is the work that we are meant to do. It is the work that will help us and our community. It is the work that will slowly change our world.


Our inability to sit with our inner thoughts provokes us to point the finger and blame “them.”

It is their fault that our world is falling apart. It is their fault that we are unhappy. It is always their fault. What if it we turned inward and stopped blaming others?


I want to take responsibility for my life and my thoughts.

I want to have healthy conversations within and with others.

I want to allow success into my life.

I want to share my story and feel safe doing so.

I want to shine my light as bright as i can.

I want to do the work I came here to do.

I want to be open and willing to experience life.

I want to laugh at myself and not be so serious.

I want to jump into the joy that is already present in my life.

I want to thrive!

Are you with me?


Let’s face our inner conversations and know that those voices do not define us. They are echoes of the past. We have the ability to face them with ease and grace. We have the resources to enjoy all aspects of life. We get to do this work. Our ancestors have been waiting for us. Let’s do this.


Here's a poem I wrote on this topic:


“it is time for you to shine”

you have been holding yourself back

for so long now.

you thought something bad would happen

if you showed life that you were open and willing.

the secret is

that is all that life asks of us -

to be willing and open.


showing life that

you are ready

to experience its essence

opens the door

that you have been working on opening.

your previous attempts

were not made in vain

because they got you here.


it is time for you to shine now.

life will not ask anything of you

that you are not ready for.

the juicy layers of experience

are oozing with possibilities.

you are ready for this next chapter.

life beckons.

answer it.

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© 2020 Nikki Van Ekeren